One year ago, I was going through a major upheaval. It’s funny to look back now, and encouraging to see that not only did we survive, but we’re doing so great in spite of it.
What was the upheaval? Well, I’m not too proud to admit that I made one of the biggest slip-ups of my life, and sent a big ole angry rant about my boss….to my boss, instead of to my husband. Yup, that’s right folks. I pretty much unintentionally gave my tyrannical, ego-maniacal, dictator of a boss the f-you he was subconsciously begging for. Whoops!
I saw his name in the “To” field, just as the window was disappearing. I couldn’t stop it. I remember very specifically what happened next. It happened in slow motion. I said “fuck, it’s over”. Looked around, grabbed all the things I really cared about (my purse, my notebooks), and non-nonchalantly walked out of the office, as though I were going to lunch, and drove home.
I knew my goose was cooked, and I wasn’t prepared for the confrontation.
As I was driving home, I was simultaneously calling my friends, giggling hysterically, and crying. It was such a jolt of emotions! I was FREE from that hell hole! OMG, how am I going to pay for anything? Who cares, I’m FREE!!! Why am I such a fuck up???
When that occurred, I was very uncertain where my life was going to take me. Before that, it had seemed full of promise. After, pretty much felt like a survival challenge.
One year later, I’m at peace. I have a thriving freelance business, which holds lots of promise for expansion, I am blogging with my sister, who is a genius and I feel lucky to be part of something with her, my husband has a new job (that doesn’t make him travel to India every 10 seconds), my kids continue to live healthy, full lives, and bonus, the nastiness of that situation lead me to commit to a serious meditation practice, which gives me so much peace and joy.
So, all in all, even when life hands you a big pile of doggie poo, it’s totally possible to scrape that junk off, wash your hands, laugh, look inward, and learn something, and benefit from it.
I think I probably sent him that email subconsciously on purpose, because I knew I could have better, but was too scared to take the leap and quit, consciously. As much as we were not suited to work together, I do hope that in some way my email helped him, but I’ll never know, and that’s perfectly fine with me.
Alright, now go tell your boss to fuck off. Kidding!